Complicated...

Sometimes i hate my pessimism...
It always results in hesitism and i get caught in a circle that circulates through my mind, I take a breath and concentrate. Just to make sure my emotions don't instigate,a decision i might regret or suffer for down the line.

This not so positivt being inside of me wants out at times, only to find out wether it really is all good all around as everybody describes it to be. It wants what everybody seems to have, but not it wont agree to sacrify itself!

why do my words pause with hesitation...
Is it my overactive imagination?That constant fear of the future?Or what will happen to me?? I'm uncomfortable having so much emotion, and i don't know where i got that notion from. It couldn´t be because of a heartbrek laying years back or layers back in my life. Why can't it be more simple or maybe it's my only insecurity.
A security I seem not to have gotten rid of, a security only I can rely on...

Sometimes i feel so inundated...
Is it really that complicated OR let alone contemplated??Is it really??
Of course it isn't! But i've created a monster in my mind..
A monster telling me things only I can understand, a monser describing me the way it needs me to see myself.
Happiness is all that matters!
I say nice things not just to flatter you, you know i mean it from the bottom of my heart. You could be someone not easy to find!!

So where do all these thoughts leave me???
Do I trust the monster in me...
Or dare a trust that you will come along one day telling me,

//...Exactly what i need to hear??